How to get rid of a painful attachment to her husband? Psychology of a man in love.
It is believed that for the health of the couple is much better when a man loves, and a woman allows himself to love. But what makes the stronger sex fall in love with us and why does this feeling sometimes fade away? What is she - the psychology of a man in love?
I am sure that if you ever met a man, you could observe such a picture: at first he treated you very kindly, tried to surprise, thought up joint activities, and then suddenly it all went away somewhere. And as soon as he stopped trying, the feeling of “filled with love” disappeared from your heart. Resentment, lack of self-confidence, questions: what’s next - all this greatly undermines your trust in this person.
The fact is that men also have this feeling towards a woman. When relationships become more comfortable, routine and predictable, they leave the feeling of passion, the constant desire to be there, everything that initially made your man fall in love with you.
However, not only the physical attraction to you, but also emotional attachment, or rather, craving, has disappeared. Emotional appeal. How to get her back and make the man reignite to you with those feelings that he managed to survive at the very beginning of your novel? How to understand the psychology of a man in love?
Emotional Affection: Why Does a Man Love?
Emotional attachment is a feeling that allows a man to single out one woman among millions of others. Such affection gives the strong sex the opportunity, and most importantly the desire, to share with the girlfriend the most intimate secrets, to let her into his life as deeply as he has never dared to let anyone. It is this kind of intimacy that binds a man to his chosen one for a long time.
When a man says that he no longer feels in love towards you, in fact he means ...
“Before, I was drawn to you both physically and spiritually. But for some time I have not felt emotional attachment to you. In a word, now both the soul and the head tell me that something in our relationship is over, something is missing in them. I would like to return everything, but I do not know how to correct the situation. ”
How to re-create this attachment in him?
When a man begins to ask or even demand more freedom for him, women intuitively try to get closer to him, to return to the relationship the intimacy that was present in them at the very beginning. They begin to talk on very personal topics, try to spend as much time as possible with their chosen one, try to find out if he is alright. But in the end, all this only aggravates the situation. This happens because people intuitively understand that you have to run away from what you are being followed. He will feel that proximity is being imposed on him, and he will try to run away from her.
You, in turn, will want to return the former intimacy. Here's how to do it:
Give him the degree of freedom he needs and find something to do.
Instead of trying to rehabilitate fading relationships, get busy. Recall that you once had friends and hobbies, and much more that made you happy.
As soon as you do this, you will immediately notice the changes. First, your neuroses and paranoia will go to the background, because your head will be occupied by another. You will feel that you have taken control of the situation. And secondly, men make decisions faster if they are given such an opportunity - the opportunity to be alone with themselves, to delve into their feelings.
Shake both yourself and him to bring back a sense of novelty in your relationship.
Remember what we talked about above? The psychology of a man in love is such that he loses interest as soon as relationships become predictable and become commonplace.
So, if this happened to your couple; if the man with whom you plan to spend the rest of your days, suddenly lost interest in you, you will have to strain a little and become a mystery woman again. Start doing things that he doesn’t expect from you. Find the interests that you can do together, if he suddenly wants to join.
If you have been spending the same weekend for several years in a row, perhaps it’s time to change this routine to something new. Of course, you get tired, of course, you are used to spending the weekend on the couch with a book or TV, but then you have to decide what is more important to you - the traditional rest after a busy week or a loved one. Show your imagination, organizational skills, in one word shake it somehow. And if you are used to spending all your free time together, then a few weekends, spent separately from each other, will help you to regain topics for conversation.
If you feel that a relationship with a man is stuck on some level, but you still want to be with him and you are not indifferent to how your shared destiny will turn out - this is good news. So, you are aware of the situation and are ready to take steps to correct it. If you know for sure that there was a time when he was attached to you both on a physical and emotional level, then you have every chance to rekindle former passion in your chosen one. Just do not forget from time to time to give him more freedom and not try to find out: what is happening with him ...
Unfortunately, in life it happens that feelings for another person cool down. But at the same time, attachment remains - a painful condition expressed in fear. And then begin the real "walking on torment", when you yourself are well aware that this can not continue, but you can not free yourself from dependence. In such a situation, the question of how to get rid of attachment to a person becomes extremely relevant.
Could emotional attachment be dangerous?
It should be noted that in general, psychologists do not evaluate emotional attachment as a negative phenomenon. On the contrary, without her love itself would not have been possible. And it is also an integral element of warm relations between parents and children, between brothers and sisters, between friends, etc. However, when it is associated with, it is just very bad. In this case, attachment can only hurt. And this should be sought by all means to avoid.
- Do not focus on one person, try to maximize your social circle.
- Try to plunge into work.
- Zateoy repair or even move - try to take your time to the maximum, so that it does not remain for extraneous thoughts.
- Find a new hobby or go back to your favorite, but somewhat forgotten hobby.
- Every day, look for a new reason to enjoy life, strive to form a new positive view of it without the person you are emotionally dependent on.
How to get rid of affection for a man?
For women, after the end of a love relationship, there is also an acute problem of how to get rid of attachment to a man. Psychologists advise you to focus on yourself and be a "healthy selfish." Take, finally, yourself, update your wardrobe, go to the cinema or theater, go on a trip. Better yet, find yourself a new love for a man with whom you really will be comfortable and well.
The enemy is worth knowing in person.
Getting rid of painful affection, you can not act blindly. First, understand what is in the concept of "painful affection"?
There are many scientific papers and systems of psychological research, which see as their mission the arrangement of points over “yo” and the enlightenment of society about what is healthy, right, good. These systems were based on centuries-old research and did not appear overnight, so they can be trusted. Among other scientists and psychologists who were engaged in this industry were Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Jacques Lacan and others. Their authorship belongs to modern methods of psychoanalysis, psychology of relationships and examples of natural, proper development of relationships.
“Scho zadto, it is not healthy” - as they say here. So what is a "painful relationship." Explain it to yourself by answering a simple question - are you happy? If the answer “yes” is disrupted from the lips, then we are in a hurry to please you - study this article only to be informationally savvy.
Attachment to a man in painful manifestations may persist, for example, after a break, when you already need to move on, but you are morally, first of all, and also physically - you can’t start a new relationship, lift yourself out of bed. All that non-reciprocal is also painful. Yes, you can make as many friends as you like, communicate with men in companies without hints of continuation and have “friends”, but not the lot of a real woman to “run” after a man, “dry” on him and cry into a pillow from undivided, therefore unshared sympathy with a crash falls into the common basket of painful affection. All other examples that are available to people in multimillion examples — how many people, so many opinions — can meet on your way, but know that if this or that sympathy is not reciprocal, brings about the degradation of your personality, somehow diminishes you , then boldly run.
How to get rid of a painful attachment to a man?
"Inside me, I was not let go"
To get rid of painful affection, you need to end the relationship with the unwanted-desired man within yourself. For this, not only psychological techniques help well, but also the meditation practices that are currently popular. Every day you need to let go of the moment from your common life, your path, which you have walked for a certain period of time, saying goodbye with thanks. What came to you taught you some moments, gave you lessons and experience - can one really be offended for this? Even if the experience is negative or horrible, sometimes why we feel bad, it still became a past story and there is no point in returning to it.
Orient yourself only for the future.
Often we can not get rid of the old, because the future is unfamiliar and scares us. Inspire yourself! Browse, read the stories that occupy you, start to be interested in literature, movies, clubs and sections, that direction to development. In them you will meet the right people and reveal yourself. Intersecting with someone, we are expanding our circle of knowledge and ossified, old opinions, there is no place in it anymore. To get rid of painful affection, you need to go through it, go through and overcome it, but no mantra, spells and magic powders will help you if you, in your head, do not deny everything that brings you pain. I sincerely believe in you - everything will work out and you will be happy!
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11.09.2013 Tatyana Kaushanskaya 149 comments
A question from a reader: how to get rid of attachment to a person?
The question is: “Can you tell me how to emotionally detach from a person (past)?” I'm not sure that time heals, because many years have passed, and as a result only the pictures before our eyes have become paler. I have a past, many complexes have appeared and, as a result, I don’t live a normal life with my boyfriend — I’m comparing, remembering, doing devils, but I can’t completely switch my attention to my boyfriend, who can’t pay attention ”.
And there is a continuation of this issue: “The question is different. What if periodically self-determination is forgotten? In the sense that “yes, what am I bad for? Now I’m going to the gym for a couple of months, I’ll do a new hairstyle, I’m looking for anew” in the social network, it’s going to go crazy with me. ”.
It seems that this problem exists in many women. I do not know about men, because I am a woman myself.
And since I went through everything in my life: "fire, water and copper pipes", and I had all the possible options for problems and fears, then naturally, I know firsthand how to solve these problems.
I want to tell you, dear reader, that time hardly cures psychological dependence. Since psychological dependence is a certain violation in the perception of reality.
In other words, we are given the experience of being in love so that we can experience what the Highest Pleasure in life is. That is why it is so difficult for us psychologically to refuse this.
After all, the state of strong love is equivalent to the state of nirvana. And who wants to voluntarily give up nirvana? Especially when I haven’t found another way to feel the same (in this case I haven’t).
So, the algorithm: how to get rid of attachment to a person?
Step one
I recommend starting with concentrating on the moment here and now. As soon as you feel the inner craving, shift your attention to the present moment. I write about this in many of my articles. Since this is the main skill of life.
If you learn only this skill - to switch your attention to the present moment - this alone will help you to cope with all your problems.
Because when you remember something, it means you are in the past. Note that the past does not exist, it exists only in your mind, it is an invention of the mind.
When you think what will happen in 5 years, this means you in the future, but the future does not exist either, the future exists only in your mind, this is again an invention of the mind.
What is real life? This is when you are mentally here and now, not in the past and not in the future.
By the way, do you know how life differs in illusions (NOT real life) from real life? Pay attention to the word "real" life. This is life in the present moment.
Only this one technique will help you to shift your attention from a young person to your real life, which always passes in the moment here and now.
Step Two
As soon as you feel an inner craving for a young man, ask yourself what you really want at this moment? Since attachment is a psychological problem, there is one nuance. It happens that we want something one, and in fact we satisfy some completely different need, without even realizing it.
When I asked myself this question: what I really want, my answer was: I'm bored, I want to fill my inner emptiness with something. It was proof that I didn’t want this person at all, that I filled my inner emptiness with it.
And then I began to look for, than fill my inner emptiness. I started reading books on psychology, spiritual, esoteric, etc.
Just at the moment of strong traction, start doing what you get high on. Thus, you will satisfy your real desire - to fill the inner emptiness and to remove boredom. Or perhaps your need for something else. Traction to the young man at this moment will greatly decrease or go away altogether.
Now I answer the second part of the question. What to do if you do not want to forget a person?
The fact that one does not want to forget a person is obvious and normal, for the reason I described at the beginning. The state of love is equivalent to the state of nirvana.
And here the fun begins. It is necessary to realize that we are being challenged in order for us to grow. Such painful situations force us to search for answers to questions and we, therefore, develop.
This situation is given to you not by chance, but in order for you to learn to LIVE and stop to SUFFER.
And here you have the freedom to choose. Either realize this and, despite the fact that you do not want to forget the young man, look for ways to get rid of this attachment or continue to suffer. That is, if you are not tired of suffering yet, then you have a choice. And if you’re tired of suffering, you don’t have a choice.
Here, by the way, I want to add. When you make plans, how to re-like the young man, you break two rules of life at once.
The first rule. You resist the events of your life. Do not accept your life as it is. You need to realize that this situation is not given to you by chance. After all, this event (one of many) prompted you to look for a way out. And in the process of finding answers to your questions, you change, grow. No matter how it hurts you to let go, you will have to let go.
The second rule. You live in illusion, do not want to face the truth. The truth is that you have been given this situation in order for you to realize what kind of need you want to fill with this feeling of love.
I guarantee you that this feeling that you have for this person is insignificant compared to what you will feel if you develop personally and spiritually.
Attachment has 2 sides to the coin. One is the thrill of feeling love, the second is the humiliation of affection. Developing spiritually, we reach such a level of awareness, when exactly this feeling you will live every minute, and at the same time you will not have a second side of the coin - humiliation and suffering. You will feel nirvana naturally.
By the way, perhaps it would be appropriate here to list the natural and artificial ways of getting high.
August 08, 2016
In relations between men and women a lot of incomprehensible. Each of us wants to be loved. But how not to be attached strongly to the man? Sometimes it is difficult to grasp where the line between healthy and already painful affection ends. Where is love, and where is addiction? In general, in a relationship you need to become attached to a man quickly or better, to maintain a distance for as long as possible?
How not to get attached strongly?
Trap attachment
Where love is ignited, its companions always appear - addiction and affection. After all, a child is born completely dependent on other people, and it is on this basis that his love and affection develop. It does not seem strange, but love, even in relations with parents, does not always arise immediately.
Love is the acceptance of another with all its merits and demerits. This is the ability to perceive a person entirely. A child in the first years of her life sees the mother only in the best light. It is for him the best, the smartest, the most beautiful, well, in general, the most-most. He certainly idealizes the parent figure. And only in adolescence begins the process when the idealization leaves and in its place comes deidealization. During this period, the teenager sees only some of the shortcomings and weaknesses of his parents.
And only after passing through this stage, the opportunity to accept parents as they are is opened, and it is this acceptance that opens up the ability of mature love in a person.
In the same way, a man and a woman will have to come to true love in a couple, having gone through dependence and affection. In this case, someone successfully solves the tasks set before the soul, and someone gets stuck in the negative.
If a child’s need for love has never been satisfied, then in the future an adult will strive to fill the missing in a relationship. In pursuit of love, a woman does not notice how she falls into her own trap. Being in a long and close relationship with a man, she does not see how, becoming attached to him, begins to lose herself. It seems to dissolve. Her wishes and interests disappear. She subordinates herself and her life to HIM. And not because he loves so much, but because IT NEEDS for him to love her. She needs to wrap a man in the web of his love so that he cannot go anywhere. She wants to make an invisible cocoon in which there is only HE and IT.
It often happens that after living with a man for many years, a woman suddenly feels a great disappointment. Looking back, she realizes that she gave her best years to her family and her husband, but what is the result? He found young and beautiful. The children flew out of the nest. And here the woman faces a difficult task - to find a new meaning in life. How to find something for which you want to live? How to find joy and learn to appreciate every moment of life?
Need to understand that you never need to do something. only for another person. Always ask yourself: “Do I want this?” Sometimes a woman clearly feels and realizes that she does not want something, but then there is the word “must” ...
Often you are absolutely sure that you know what you want to do, but only then for some reason there is frustration and pain.
There is a desire in the female nature to give more than to receive. Therefore, it becomes attached faster and stronger. In a relationship tied stronger than the one who gives more.
Power of attachment
Why it happens? Why do you think a person begins to feel love for flowers, trees for which he cares? Why are some of us more attached to animals than to people? How does attachment come about?
Attachment arises when you make efforts for a long time and constantly, caring for someone or something, in one word invest your energy, time and energy. As soon as you begin to give away your energy, you become attached to the object to which you give a part of yourself.
We love people not for the good they do to us, but for the good we do for them.The more we invest in relationships, the faster and stronger we become attached.
We get attached also when we think a lot about a man. Scrolling conversations in his head, his monologues. Think about the reasons for quarrels and him problems.
Bindings come about when we emotionally react to anything. After all, it’s not for nothing that they say that if you want to be remembered, you’ll feel the feelings of your interlocutor. And it does not matter what. Even anger. A person whom we have greatly angered will remember us for a long time.
We get attached when we care about someone. Cooking, cleaning, erasing ... “Did you take the medicine? Did you sign up with a doctor? ”If you have recently met a man, do not start caring for him until you are sure that he is really the one you need. Do not become attached too quickly yourself and do not attach the one who can appear at all your man.
And we get attached when we have sex. All the excuses of women that they need sex only for health is self-deception. Once for health, two ... and then you want for the soul.
Do not lose yourself in affection
If you think your to the man prevents you from living, then start to give less to his energy to him and the relationship in general. Do not fill the whole space. Do not deprive a man of the opportunity to do anything for you. Thereby you will stimulate the birth of his feelings towards you. Although women struggling for love act the other way around - they try to do more for the man and demand less from him. Create him just gorgeous conditions next to him. And then they complain about how comfortable he is with her and how well he settled. And feel used and unhappy.
Whether you like it or not, any of us will be offended if there is no reciprocity. Especially if only we unilaterally make efforts. Doing something for someone, we, without realizing it, are waiting for gratitude and, without receiving it, are offended. And insult, like rust, erodes the relationship. Being offended, we emotionally distance ourselves from a person, and at the same time he may feel abandoned and unnecessary, lonely.
Female insults, discontent and anger at a man lead to the fact that his affairs start to get upset, various kinds of troubles begin to happen to him. Of course, a woman is not a monster sending black forces to her partner, but she is able to influence the joint space. Being close to the offended, dissatisfied partner, the man can not be prosperous and successful. But do not rush to take responsibility for everything that happens. These processes are MUTUAL. The man also contributes to the formation of female discontent.
What conclusion can be drawn from the above? Learn to hear and listen to YOURSELF. Become independent of male love and attention. Do not make the sole purpose of your life the desire to get love, to be loved. Then you can be more free in the relationship. You will not be afraid of loneliness.
To be happy with a man, you need to learn how to be happy without him, learn how to live without him. Fill your life, but leave a place for HIM, just in case. Suddenly, the long-awaited, and do not wait for him, sitting at the window ...
Female and male energies in relationships
Often a woman, building a relationship with a man, can not force herself to do the usual things. Her life before marriage and in it are very different. Before marriage, there were friends, joint women's gatherings, trips, sports, sauna, beauty treatments. There was no difficulty in keeping fit.
And after 2-3 years of marriage with a man, all this is gradually eroding. It is harder for a woman to force herself to exercise, to take care of herself. A man, on the contrary, begins to miss the past. And it turns out that she becomes attached, becomes to some extent dependent, and the man, on the contrary, is too sticky in relations. This is how female and male energies behave. It happens otherwise. The man becomes more infantile, and the woman becomes more active. Hence, the ratio of female and male energies is violated in the union, in the usual sense. In a man, more feminine energy accumulates and he becomes attached more. A woman who has more male energy is annoying to be with a man.
Another reason for female neglect may also lie in the fact that without a man you NEED to look good for HIM. And finding a partner, you relaxed. But it turns out that you all did not for myself.
If you have order and cooked delicious food, when a man is in the house, and without it, mountains of dishes can “decorate” your kitchen for days, how do you feel about yourself? It turns out that the desire to get the love of a man pushes you to feats, but you are not capable of the same effort out of self-love.
Strong affection leads to the fact that a woman loses herself ... But this is a delusion. She does not lose herself, but on the contrary, reveals the real. And all that was before that was just a mask, carefully concealing its child-dependent part.
The described process is inevitable in long and serious relations. However, we must realize what kind of man next to you. Is it worth being attached to someone who does not have good human qualities? To someone who after some time will lose interest and, most importantly, respect for you?
It is not easy - do not lose yourself in a relationship. And this is an inevitable process. In my programs, I teach not to be afraid to dissolve in a relationship and to find myself real again.
But in order not to lose yourself, you need to feel your inner core, your “I”. Moreover, the rod may be, but only he - stiff, "metal". And when it breaks, you lose yourself. In this case, you have to form a new core - durable, but flexible, soft, unbreakable.
Many women told me how, after parting, they began to actively move up the career ladder. Become prosperous.
And what prevented them from doing this, being close to a man - to be successful and realized? Why for many people marriage becomes a halt in their own development? Why does a wonderful feeling of love turn into a cage for the feminine soul?
We come to Earth to hone our two abilities:
To learn to love and be realized in the business for which our abilities were given to us; and lose and re-find yourself in a relationship.
But remember, before losing yourself, make sure that next to you is the real, your, man. You will find out what he is YOUR man.
How not to lose yourself too quickly and not become attached strongly ?
1. Get to know yourself.
Realize your desires and goals in life. What else do you want, except to be with a man? If you forget, then it's time to remember. If you do not know - it's time to learn. You must see your way of life and feel.
It often happens that a man, conscious or not, leads a woman away from herself and her desires just because her needs do not fit into his picture of life. For example, a husband does not want a woman to work. And when she informs him that she would be interested in working, he begins to argue why not to do it: “Disadvantageous”, “You will be more at home at home”, “We don’t need money”, “Don't you of how much i give? I will give you even more money ”,“ But let's go, we will go somewhere to rest, apparently you are tired of being at home, you need to change the situation ... ”. And the woman for a while forgets about her desire. This happens several times, and now she completely abandons her aspirations. Journey quickly switches her thoughts - if a child insists on his desire, then he does not need to be denied a sharp, categorical form, it is enough just to shift his attention to something else.
An adult person, unlike a child, constantly keeps in view his desires and goals.
2. Do not switch quickly to another topic of conversation.
If you have a specific question for the man, and he in every possible way leaves the answer, do not lose the thread and the purpose of the conversation. Persistently but gently return it to the problem that interests you.
3. Do not make hasty decisions.
Female emotionality often pushes you to hasty promises. And your natural decency will not allow you to later abandon what you have already promised.
4. The most vulnerable feminine feeling is pity.
A woman can do a lot for a man, not so much out of love, as out of pity. And many over the years living with their husbands. “But what about? “He’s gone without me.”
And how many women out of pity forgive men abusive behavior. Remember, pity arises only because there is a child hidden deep within you who needs your sympathy. Not finding and not feeling it, you become extremely susceptible to the suffering of a man.
5. Learn to accept attention, gifts and care from a man.
Include it in the process of spending - emotions, money, time, care, tenderness ... Do not rush to fill in all the space. Do not invest at first in a relationship, but rather watch a man. Do not consider yourself obliged to sleep with a gentleman, if he paid for you in a restaurant. And do not seek to pay for themselves. Let the man take care of you.
Having taken something from a man, do not feel yourself in due, do not jump for joy, having received one rose as a gift. At the beginning of dating do not fill the man with your emotions. Do not bring down on him the squall of your love and unspent tenderness. Do not waste materially.
6. Do not buy into beautiful words.
Watch the man’s actions. Do not get fooled by all this talk: “I dreamed about you exactly. God sent you to me. I do not know why I deserved such a gift. ” Be careful. Do not fall into the carefully woven web of Casanova, who needs you as a regular trophy. By the way, if Don Juan meets on your way, then this is probably better. Don Juan at least sincerely keen on a woman. True, he had and will have such hobbies ... well, you are not the final station on his journey.
Free yourself from your strong desire to be loved! Do not limit yourself only to relationships with a man. Life is diverse, and you came to Earth to learn to love yourself first and foremost, and only then your loved ones.
Find your purpose in life. Find the meaning in many things, as well as its absence.
Do you want to find yourself and get rid of your addiction and affection for a man?Come to me on
With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey